Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Enjoy the penises
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
