Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Congratulations! We have a period
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
