if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
