i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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