there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
