My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
