yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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