one two three fourrrrnication!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize