I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
