Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
