just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When are your genitals available?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
