And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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