He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
