I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
