Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
