Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
