Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
