remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
