Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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