She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
