I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize