I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
