Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
this is an emotional support booty call
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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