I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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