when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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