I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
