Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
