It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
