also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
