Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
