Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
