Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
