You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
