I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
