I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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