Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
