I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i need some magic done to my vagina
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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