WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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