Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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