just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
