Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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