bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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