He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
