Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
