quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize