I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Are we still banned from the library?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
