Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
