Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
