I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my shit smells like andre
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
