I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
