I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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