That reminds me...we need to get swords
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
