Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
