she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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