hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Pappa wants mamma naked
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
