Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Even my vagina gasped.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
