my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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