Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
