happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
