Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
