You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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