Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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