just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
