Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
