you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
