ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
