as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
