onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
