My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
