He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
