Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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