After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
