one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
