Im at strip club and am horny
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize