so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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