idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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