She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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