Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
