I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
