This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
