Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
