And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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