HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
