Ambien. No doubt about it.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
