Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
