I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
