So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize