Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
