I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
